Walking from my car to the first day of training, I was nervous. I couldn’t help but think “Who am I to be doing this?” I paused outside the Post Office, put my bag down and took out my phone pretending I had something interesting to look at (I didn’t). I was over 20 minutes early and was feeling embarrassed.
I’m not sure when it began, but at some point I started making excuses not to do things because I was sure I’d be terrible at anything I attempted. “I’m too tired” I’d say. “Too busy.” “Not smart enough.” “Not strong enough.” And so on and so forth. I could feel those thoughts creeping in as I stood outside staring at my giant backpack filled to the max with yoga books and notes and snacks and water- and the weight of all those things reminded me why I wanted to do this in the first place.
Yoga makes me feel good- I want to feel good as much as possible. I want to share that feeling with others. Yet, despite me knowing how good yoga is for me and how good it makes me feel, it doesn’t mean I always do it. It definitely doesn’t make it easy. However, I want to get rid of the feeling that I’m not enough. I want to challenge myself to no longer let those thoughts of not being “good enough” keep me from doing things that I love.
So I put my phone away, hoisted my giant backpack back on and headed into the studio 20 minutes early. And you know what? There were a couple other early birds there already, just like me.
As I left the studio that day after our first 6 hours of training I was so happy that I didn’t give in to my feeling of not being good enough and I remembered a well-known quote from Marianne Williamson that I’m sure many people have heard or seen, but bears repeating:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
We are all good enough. Strong enough. Smart enough. We can surprise ourselves when we allow ourselves to be great. It just takes practice (a lot of practice)…and a reminder from time to time.