Be Here Now
It is official. I’m throwing in the towel and saying for the first time ever, I no longer want to be the busiest person I know. Not that I ever wanted to be, but I made no effort to slow down. I began my yoga practice a little over two years ago when I was beginning what would be the biggest transformation of my life. Up until that point, I had distracted myself, from myself, by staying busy. Being busy was often my solution, to everything.
I’ve even gone so far as to pride myself on my ability to balance so much on my plate at once. However, when things began to change for me a couple of years ago, I was in search of something that would help heal me, which began my love affair with yoga.
Up until that point, the chaos of my mind mirrored the level of how busy my life had become. It’s the same feeling I had when I was working as a server in a restaurant, having ten tables, an overwhelmed kitchen and no one to help. It’s having so much you’re responsible for, everyone asking you when you’re going to get them, you’re already going as fast as you can, but you still feel as if you’ll never catch up. This is no way to live.
It took some time, but yoga gradually became the first part of my life where even if just for a moment, I was able to simply be there. For the first time, every part of me was there, most importantly, my mind. I remember telling myself at first, ‘all of the situations you want to rationalize, control, play out a million more times in your head, they will all be there for you after you get off of your mat, so just for now, be here…’. And so, over time and through hundreds of classes, I was finally able to slow down.
Yet, here I sit, writing about how once again, I am just so busy. The healing of the last two years has blessed me with this big beautiful life. But I am also learning how to find my balance once again. My current situation is temporary, as a lot of my time is spent on my short-term yoga teacher training. And although in this moment, I feel overwhelmed at the chaos of all that I am responsible for, I am also grateful for this experience to remind me and really show what it is I do and do not want. I do want my life to be filled with people, places and work that I love. I do not, however, want to have so much of it that I am the busiest person I know. Today I am grateful for my quality problems, and my awareness of what I need to let go of, to create space for all that I already have.